Alone
You know, sometimes I envy those of faith, those who believe they have someone there always looking out for them, always understanding them. Feeling like someone's got their back.
I was struck last night how completely alone I am. There's nobody I can talk to, nobody I trust enough to share more than a piece of myself. I wish our world wasn't like that.
Perhaps it is merely that I am surrounded by strangers, with training hours that give me no time to myself except during my runs in the morning. The more people we add to the staff (our total is now 19, vs the original 12. Most other halls will have 10 or less) the more people's facades come up. Their fake personalities. I was enjoying the individuals, making new friends... but now some of them are just the class clowns.
I thought I would have time to paint... just a little, maybe every other day.
It's too bad really. I guess I'll just have to make the time instead.
Well. Perhaps I'll post again later tonight.
wisps... where are you?
I was struck last night how completely alone I am. There's nobody I can talk to, nobody I trust enough to share more than a piece of myself. I wish our world wasn't like that.
Perhaps it is merely that I am surrounded by strangers, with training hours that give me no time to myself except during my runs in the morning. The more people we add to the staff (our total is now 19, vs the original 12. Most other halls will have 10 or less) the more people's facades come up. Their fake personalities. I was enjoying the individuals, making new friends... but now some of them are just the class clowns.
I thought I would have time to paint... just a little, maybe every other day.
It's too bad really. I guess I'll just have to make the time instead.
Well. Perhaps I'll post again later tonight.
wisps... where are you?
posted by Elysia @ 08:07
1 Comments:
At 11:22 PM ,
Professor_obvious said...
I hear yah. There are so many false faces that people wear. And it is hard to break out and talk to someone new, when you know that there is going to only be another mask behind the one that just up. It's just how humans 'protect themselves'
Pathetic.
Look, I know that you're off in college, and I'm just some silly little junior, but you're my friend. I've got your back, even if I'm many miles away. Same goes for your bro, I'm sure.
That sounds really corny, but I don't give a rip, because I sincerely mean it, and it's late, and I don't care. I also know that it really doesn't mean a whole lot, because it's not our companionship that you are seeking. However, these good feelings that I'm sending your way (i'll make Ermine and Nathan send you some tomorrow as well when I see them) are not to be trifled with.
...
There it is done. i've sent some major good vibrations through secret asian channels that only I and a select few understand (I might, keyword might, divulge the secret to you later). I can only say expect something good on the horizon soon. :)
Cheer up. We all miss you here. Your kitty was especially irritable when I last went over to visit.
~Ryan
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