Not so helpless

Right now however, I'm shaking so bad it's hard to type, and muscles in my back are randomly locking up and relaxing. But it feels right. Fridays are run days. I used to hate them. Now I think I will learn to believe in them. Depend on them.
Jessica and I went for a jog. It wasn't very fast or long, but enough to break a sweat and spend some time talking. I miss my friends. I know a ton of new people, but 90% of them can't be my friends for real because I'm an RA. Emilie is coming home soon from her national guard training. That will make me very glad.
It rained today on our run, it was beautiful. The sky was dark when we started, though the air was warm. A wind was blowing so even in the humidity it was almost comfortable. As time went on the sun rose far far away, and lightened the shield of black to a thick coverlet of gray. The steps pounded, the joints begged, the breaths rushed and gasped in the sound of the wind. The cars whispered like some other world, separate and intangible. The scuff of rubber on uneven pavement and the quiet words of encouragement shared between us. The wind pulls, breathes in and out, twisting in a momentary waltz before passing on to the next of us. Sweat trickles from our seams, we can feel our uniforms becoming more damp as they catch the cooling wind. Fire burns my cheeks as my calves tighten, laced with pain.
It feels so good when the first droplet hits. I feel like I must be so hot that the water has boiled away the instant it touched my skin. They are few at first; tiny bits of joy. But soon the others join them in their suicide attacks, bent on falling to ascend.
Litle little pinpricks of awareness, the world changes definition. The pounding knees, the whisper of nylon shorts. The gulps of O2.
The end pulls near, the rain peters out. But there, just for a moment, I smile while running.

And my fingers are shaking so badly it is taking me twice as long to type as it should. So I'm going to go take a shower.