Yackity-Yackity

Feelings, thoughts, what a bloody jumble.
You know, once my writing professor told me that using exclamation points is pretty much tacky. I agreed of course, but didn't realize until I saw my paper just how much I used them myself. Funny thing. A little humbling. I was just about to use one in that first sentence. So I didn't.
I need to follow my thought trains, they like to run away. Television does that to you.
It's sad that so many people are alone. So many people of both genders, just wishing for someone to reach out to them. My dad and my brother and I were joking about how "Wouldn't it be nice if we could have a 'save' and 'load' function for life."
And I said, "Can you imagine how many people would get together? If you knew that you could ask someone out and if you're rejected, you could just rewind."
My dad laughed.
Of all the things in the world that you could do, and take away your risk on, I choose relationships.
Funny.
Sometimes I have a very good grasp of how people work, how people percieve things, see interactions, how people feel, how things that are said can affect people... but it is such a hinderance. People go through life, saying things, unaware how they can hurt whomever they said it to. And sometimes those people are never hurt, but I see it, and I sympathize with that hurt, even empathize with it. A gift, a pain. And I suppose like any normal person, I fear pain. But I shouldn't. I should relax, feel. Be unafraid.
At random days I've felt an overwhelming urge to be getting married, starting having the five children I want. Being loved, loving, being allowed to be completely comfortable with who I am. I watched the movie, Shall we dance, I think. With Susan Sarandon, Michael Douglas, Jennifer Lopez... and it was fun, cute, whatever, but Susan Sarandon had this one line where this private investigator she hired asks her about her marriage... why she doesn't seem freaked over finding his secret, and she says something fantastic;

All these promises that we make and we break...why is it that you think people get married? Because we need a witness to our lives. There's a billion people on the planet, I mean what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything...the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mundane things...all of it, all the time, every day. You're saying... Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed, because I will be your witness.

I will be your witness.
That's all I ask.
That's all anyone really needs.

People are always wondering what the meaning of the universe is. People create gods to give them rules and structure to their lives. They worry that they will die. They worry that when they die it's all over. They worry that there is no point to anything they do, because it is akin to the flea they stepped on last week in the galactic scheme of things.
But that's too much. For me, all I want is a witness, and someone to be a witness for.