And E Goes "Oh Shit"

This wonderful book titled Expendable I read not too long ago, has this explorer corps. These people are the expendable members of society. They are sent to dangerous new planets on exploration missions. Often times they die, when the plant they were looking at turns out to be a giant carnivore and is swooping down to eat them, for instance. The last words they usually utter over the comm headsets is "Oh Shit"
Therefore, when someone is about to die and then does in that manner, one calls it "going oh shit."
That's what I feel like right now. I have this feeling like nothing in my life is something I have a hold on. It's like no matter how hard I try, everything I've worked for is being cut down in front of me and somehow it's my fault too.
Last chances that come too soon.
Too many failures stacked up to try and fix anything, new or old.
I really truly begin to hate myself now.
I'm freaking out. I had to go hide in the library to cry. If anything else goes wrong today I don't know if I'll be able to handle it. I'm tempted to run home and hide away until things get better, but I know now that hiding like that just multiplies your pains. Maybe once or twice you can hide away with no ill consequences. Now everything is exponential and I can't even begin to unmuddle this. The small positive steps I made in the past couple days brought such hope and yet one wrong thing brings me crashing down.
What do you do when everything brings you pain?
So much of the feeling that even though I'm getting out of the emotional pit of depression and murdered motivation and terrifying anxiety, it's too late. And nobody cares that all my failures came from being sick. So I've had my chance.

I guess nobody said that chance would be fair.