SO not in high school anymore.

I remind myself of the girl I was in high school. So emotional and bitter. Sad. I'm trying really hard right now. Now it's not so much the punches being thrown at me anymore. I threw off my attacker and now i'm starting to move forward again, but now it's like I'm finding out that my clothing got ripped in the scuffle, or my glasses got broken. Not that I wear glasses... oh well. This is all from an old analogy anyway.
Picking up the pieces. So sad.
It's snowing like mad right now. Sooo wierd.
It would be nice if the snow could change it all, wash away the bad parts. I'm doing my best to let go of all the things that are letting me down right now. Stay positive.
I'll get back on my feet, I always do. I know I'm a very strong person, I've just had to deal with so much I've nearly reached my limit. Pushing limits is great. Pushing them all at the same time is hard.
Oh man. I've spent like the last ten minutes getting this necklace untangled. I used to pride myself on my ability to get any knotted chain undone. Of course I have a tendancy to be very prideful of everything. haha. But that's fun to know that I really wanted to wear the necklace. I have this funny habit of getting all jewelried up when I'm trying to remind myself of the fact that I'm pretty and like myself and that the world is silly and I damn well get to wear my crown. No, I didn't actually bring my crown with me from home. Should have, but no, you won't catch me with it haha.
So it's sad that I have even more consequences from my global minimum. (Oh math.) than just the fact that I hit the bottom. But life isn't fair, right? So I'll just let it pass and focus on the future. I was really looking forward to that RA training class actually, because it was something I was confident I could do, and I actually enjoy work that I know how to do, but it probably would be more work than would be good for me.
It's amazing how one mistake is all it takes. You know? Like you can work so hard at your job or a relationship or just life in general, but then you say one wrong thing, or walk down the wrong street alone and you could lose it all. I wonder how anyone came up with the concept of fairness, since it doesn't exist. Funny. That's one of the most human inventions ever.
Dude, I feel like getting a big red rubber stamp and stamping like a whole wall with "FAILURE" for no reason so I could laugh at how absurd that is. I was just pittying myself for all the mistakes I just made this term. I guess that's what a good person does, is regret doing the wrong things. But a smart good person acknowledges their mistakes and learns and moves on. Yay for moving on.
Question: Why do I bite off more than I can chew?
I was surprised to read my best friend's flow-of-conciousness/thoughts on me on her blog last week. "desire. why? She does. I love it. Inspired by her desire to "suck the marrow out of life," as it were. Desire to express how much i love that as well as her insecurities and quirkiness. Reaching out a hand to you..."
It's too true. It is so amazing that there are people who know you better than you know yourself.
Oh and why questions suck. Like with our sexual violence presenter this week as RAs we were reminded NEVER to ask a why question to a survivor. Because that's hindsight on something out of their control. I don't like that word anymore at all.
Why.
It's only useful to ask as a general question, once in your life, looking out at the universe and wondering what the point of it all is. The only other way that it's good is in the sense of "why does a machine work this way."
The rest is out of my hands. Always.
MY ROOM IS A MESS! I'm starting to get back to normal folks! No obsessive cleaning due to severe emotional stress for me! Not anymore haha. Now cleaning can only be used for procrastinating j/k.
But I think it's about time to re-do my room again. Because my bed is next to one of those bumb outs in the wall and it's making it hard to keep my blankets from slipping off. Meh. Crystal has her room super awesome. I think I may emulate hers.
So I'm thinking counseling would be good next term. I think I'm going to be a terrible patient seeing as how I have a superiority complex and I'm soooo smart, and I'm a psych minor and self diagnose way too much. Hahah. Oh well. Maybe they can help me figure out what problems are things I can't change and I need to let go of, and which are things I can change and help me figure out how I'm going to do that.
Meh. Ego.
SQUISH!
haha. oh, sad. I hate it when jokes remind you of other people you can't laugh with anymore.
Let's all be hermits and forget inside jokes.
Lame. Whatever. Oh well, I guess I'll just use my life experiences to write the next great American novel haha.
Whatever. Ok, time to do something else.
Luv ya wisps!