To scream silence.

This term, this year, just seems to be throwing the punches continuously. Whatever small breaks I seem to get are either stolen moments, or places where I retreat, either way I seem to make no forward progress.
I might be kidding myself, or working myself up into a greater tension, but I am also way to absorbed in my life. I just have to remember the people around me that mean so much to me, because I do my best to never let them down. If it's just me, I can rationalize away anything. I sortof can't let myself down, because no matter what I'm still here. But you dissappoint friend, and sometimes they leave. That's the worst.

I thought taking less credits would be easier, but really I just end up putting forth less effort. I don't know. Maybe I am just not adding up all the pieces properly.

I'm working on spending time with my friends. Because that's what makes me feel like I have lived. I saw a quote "Everyone exists, but not all truly live." Or something to that effect. Made me think, again I know, but still, I think about what is the most important to me. And I'm just not sure. I mean, galactically even, what effect do we have? I guess my goals should be to advance science and society as much as I can, and love the people around me, and have babies. Just hard to get all of those to mesh. Especially when my mate prospects are limited, haha.
I'm tired always, you know? That's just stupid. I try to always have the most positive outlook I can, and it helps, but some things just wear me out. Maybe it's just spending time in my head. Because when I'm out there with everyone, I always forget that I'm tired. Most of the time anyway...
Perhaps I'm just dealing with more social anxiety than I thought previously. Maybe I only realize it now because I am so infatuated with people I'm around. Maybe that's why things are harder, that conflict is broader now that I want more time with people, but I also fear it.
Ah well, what can you do.
Anyhow, I figured I might update since I'm sitting here at the desk, and I can't figure out my math homework because I slept through class (grrr... stupid malfunctioning alarm... or maybe my fast reflexes that turn it off before I'm concious. either way, grrr...)
So yeah.
I love you Pooka, I was thinking about how much I missed you yesterday.
Call me some time.