Change
It's interesting. I was reading some of my old blog posts, actually my very first ones, from right before I came to OSU.
I was so lighthearted then. Not really I'm sure. I'm sure I was frustrated and scared as I am now... but I wish I could go back to then, where my biggest problems were remembering the hours of the dining center and making new friends. It feels like the difference between being a child and an adult, though I am well aware that I am still just 19.
I want a fresh start, like that.
It seems the vitamins I took are helping a little. Hopefully I can make my room seem a little more possible. Make my assignments feel a little more like I can get them done. Make my pain a little simpler. Make life a little more believeable.
I feel like I'm in a shake test. You know, where they take something, strap it down, and a big machine shakes it until it shatters. Just to see how much it can take. I'm being shaken apart and I can only keep it together so long at this intensity.
I want to go home. I really want to go home for a few days.
I just don't know if I can keep it going. I'm tripping up. I'm stumbling. I've managed to force one foot in front of the other, just catching myself along the way. But I'm still falling, and soon I'll be crawling under this weight.
Anyway, I'm making some good progress today. Stupid pie was inedible though. Damn people put berries that were practically dried in it. Couldn't even chew it. Grr.
I was so lighthearted then. Not really I'm sure. I'm sure I was frustrated and scared as I am now... but I wish I could go back to then, where my biggest problems were remembering the hours of the dining center and making new friends. It feels like the difference between being a child and an adult, though I am well aware that I am still just 19.
I want a fresh start, like that.
It seems the vitamins I took are helping a little. Hopefully I can make my room seem a little more possible. Make my assignments feel a little more like I can get them done. Make my pain a little simpler. Make life a little more believeable.
I feel like I'm in a shake test. You know, where they take something, strap it down, and a big machine shakes it until it shatters. Just to see how much it can take. I'm being shaken apart and I can only keep it together so long at this intensity.
I want to go home. I really want to go home for a few days.
I just don't know if I can keep it going. I'm tripping up. I'm stumbling. I've managed to force one foot in front of the other, just catching myself along the way. But I'm still falling, and soon I'll be crawling under this weight.
Anyway, I'm making some good progress today. Stupid pie was inedible though. Damn people put berries that were practically dried in it. Couldn't even chew it. Grr.
posted by Elysia @ 10:55
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