Hey-yaa.. hey haaaa

That was the sound of many voices yesterday.
I went to a Native American powow yesterday. I was asked to do colorguard for it, since I'm on the team with ROTC.
It was amazing. All these people together in such beautiful costumes and feathers. Their songs were amazing. People watching were asked not to record songs like the honor song, to record it in their hearts instead.
It was beautiful. How wonderful it is to have a culture like that.
With the American flag and two rifelman (women in this case) we followed only their eagle staff in the grand entry. We marched in a big slow circle with all the hundreds of dancers behind us.
It was my first color guard. I was a bit nervous, and the rifle got so heavy. We were at attention for a very long time, and my arm was shaking. I wanted to watch the dancers, but I had to stay eyes-forward. I caught a few glimpses of the ones passing straight in front of us as we waited, marching to the drum, as all the dancers circled around. It was beautiful.
One thing to be said for a big university like Oregon State, is how many different things are going on, and how big they are.
I'm going again this morning, I hope I get to see a little more of the entry, or at least the dances afterwards.


wisps, that is where you are today.

What to say... I don't ever know.

So it's funny. The only person who really reads my blog anymore is Elizabeth, and I'll bet you it's when she's tired and needs a break from the regular stressful world so she goes online and clicks a link, trys to make sure I'm sortof ok.
We don't even communicate directly anymore, we read each other's blogs and comment on them.
It takes too much energy to have a live conversation.
I just called the theater box office to get a ticket for the play that I worked on.
I hated that job. I bet I would have gotten a B or better on my physics midterm if I hadn't been working those 2&1/2 hours a day in that run down costume shop.
I'm tired. I don't want to go an hour early to pick up a ticket I earned.

I'm going to go, and laugh at how bad they are compared to my lizzy.
I'm going to wish so hard that I could see her play that I'll imagine it.
I'm going to miss her so much I want to cry.
And then I will cry because the stress in my life is so great that I have physical manifestations of complete tension in my back, between my shoulderblades, that hurt so much I want to scream.
It is a concious effort not to clench up.
It makes me want to crawl into bed.
It makes me want to eat all the ice cream within a mile.
It makes me want to go to the gym and run so hard and push so much I can't tell what hurts and what doesn't anymore.

It's Friday
Oh...

Ok, It's official

This is officially the worst day of my life.
I should have trusted my instincts this morning, and NEVER GOTTEN OUT OF BED.
I woke up, and thought, I really should just turn off the alarm, and tuck back under the covers... I mean, who would really miss me on an uncomfortable ruck march today. I'm just an MS1, and they're all 3s...
But then I thought, I can't wimp out... I can't skip PT. Besides, the march was fun last time, through the woods, tough, but fun.
I WAS SO WRONG.
I did miserably, got blisters... this time they were disappointed in me, not like before. It really sucked.
And then it got worse.

I overslept when I went back to bed, woke up with 15 minutes to get breakfast and get to physics.
I only had $2.00 on my meal plan, so forget solid food.
Got to physics with moments to spare. Scrambled the entire hour trying to keep up with my prof.
Went to german. Had a quiz I didn't know about.
Went to clean my uniforms that I have to turn in tomorrow, laundry took just 10 minutes past my next class, which I then missed.
I can't miss that class!
Then I had to go to Salsa, and I had to dance with the ickyest guy there TWICE. he makes me want to beat the crap out of him. And he asks me if I want to lead. What an ididot. OF COURSE I DON"T WANT TO LEAD. Thats not how its done, and girls don't know the lead moves!!!! GACK.
So left feeling gross.
Then had some time to kill, studying my ass off.
And then the midterm happened.
I've never felt so terrible in my life. Not even at the 2000 election.
I sat there with five minutes left, just crying.
I walked home crying.
Got some chocolate.
Cried some more.
But now it's over. And tomorrow is another day.

Some Days

Some days you're just glad to be alive.
I smell soooooo bad right now. Sweat layered on sweat, uniforms that haven't been washed. It's terrible because I'm usually so strict with my uniforms. I just haven't been able to do laundry because I don't have that 2 hour block of time!
I have classes/work from 10:00-6:00 today, and then a dance at 7:30, then a ride home at 8ish. I just got done with Ranger Challenge PT... it was hella hard. but I love it! What can you do? If I'm not pushing myself to achieve a gargantuan cliff high above me, but rather something smaller and obtainable, then I wonder, why bother? SO I always bite off way more than I can chew, and perhaps I don't succeed, but I've gained more to myself than if I had achieved that smaller goal.
Meh.
I passed Height/weight today with tape by .5%
I'm sooooo happy. I've been over by .2% for a while now... so I'm happy that I only have one more thing in my way - my run time
and that is getting better every day.
HOOAH!








Hi wisps!

Yesenis alels

Random typing of characters on the keyboard results in interesting names for characters in stories. Several of my favorites came out that way.
I'm too tired to do real writing. I'm so emotionally tired that I've spent the entire day in my room watching episodes of CSI I downloaded. I should really slow down, since I'm on the last season. I'll run out.
My brain is scattered, my confidence low. Homework; high, stress; maxed.
I don't have anyone.
Nobody has me.

How do people meet and fall in love and get married?
I just don't understand.
I'm too tired to leave my room, because outside my controlled environment = more stress. It's true by its very nature. Nothing I can do about that.
Something productive must be done... before that next episode of CSI.