&c.

I miss the freedom to be lazy.
I also get mad at myself for whining so much about all my homework, or the fact that I can't pay my bill, or that I get to lose 30lbs for the Army. My friends who don't have as many concerns are starting to get grumpy because I have no time for them - and now I'm going to get a job? Sigh...
I have half an hour before my bedtime, I should probably do some calisthenics, take a rinse, turn my alarm on for 5:30, and set out my clothes for tomorrow.
I embarrassed myself today... sigh. I was walking up the stairs to go to my military science class, when who comes along? Yeah, the Colonel, and his entourage of know-it-all seniors. Me being startled and, as always, nervous in that building, I saluted him. He was on his cell, and he sortof gave me a nod... then passed, so I think I'm ok, and go up to class.
A moment later, one of his flunkies comes back up the stairs
"Hey, Todd... you don't have to salute indoors. Relax a little."
Sigh, I know it sounds silly... but it's these sort of things that stick in my head and eat my self esteem. Crazy.
I have to form a team for a 20 mile run, get sponsors for it, go to a military ball (and I should find a DATE ARGHHH!!! I DON"T HAVE TIME FOR THAT?!?!?!) Run a lot a lot a lot.... oh yeah, write a paper by thursday, do homework for tomorrow, do a presentation for my honors writing class, make friends, clean my room, get a job..... arghhhhh!!!!
Must SLEEP
So with that in mind, I suppose it's off to the situps for me!
I can always use a little show of support at times like this.

Elapsed

Wow, everything here is so intense... ROTC in the mornings being the extreme. But for some reason it's sortof fun... I mean, sure, I feel like I'm going to throw up half-way before we're done, and I can't keep up with those huge senior guys... but these people are there to support me as well as themselves, not just dump their problems on a scapegoat like you might think.
There are some definite pros and cons of my dorm; Pros: at the beginning of the hallway so everyone has to go by it, has a nice view of some trees right out the window, close to the bathroom-kitchenette-elevator-waterfoutain, people to play halo with down the hall, lots of smart people around me, and since it's on the fifth floor, I can leave the window open with minimal noise. Cons: Five flights of stairs to climb - which is hell after an hour and a half of military training, people stand at the beginning of the hall or nearby at the elevators late at night and yack loudly, my roommate is messy - which I don't really mind unless I scrape my leg on her wierd clothes tubs with sharp corners... yeah so overall I like the room - although I haven't had a chance(energy) to clean it and put things away since I came back with the second load of stuff so it's disorganized and a bit messy.

There are a lot of cool people around - though there are still conservatives... like I could escape them anyhow. I haven't spent much time checking out guys, though I suppose it'll take me a while to get over the rude shock of Tyler breaking up with me. Plus, though there are plenty of open and attractive guys, it's hard to flirt when all your muscles ache and you're fighting sleep all the time. (This too shall pass ;P) It was funny though, a couple of times when I was really exhausted and feeling sad and alone and my parents were busy, my first reaction was to call Tyler - and then I realized, he refused to be there for me anymore... although I guess I should be more used to it than I am, he hadn't really been there for me for a while. Instead of it being a mutually supportive relationship, I became his dumping grounds for all the negativity about his job, and his own stresses. I guess you start to hate the things you love when they begin to reflect the bad things. I just wish he had tried or something, I mean, he gave up on me because I was acting funny in some of the most stressful days of my life. If you look at that from another angle it says a lot; he's been lying to me for a while about how he felt about the relationship.
Regardless, I'm glad I'm free of him... he definitely had as many faults as the next man - misplaced arrogance not being the least of them.

There is so much opportunity here, there are limitless fields of study. The people here are so grand of background and outlook... I only wish I had a little more energy to meet them... once I adjust, I think I will be very happy here.
I do miss you guys, I hope you'll e-mail me once in a while - and remember, I can always help you with your math homework!
Speaking of homework, that is also something I do not lack ;)
Ciao!