An important development

For those of you who were concerned about my increasing chances of going and dying in Iraq, you can stop worrying!
I have been released from my contract with ROTC on medical disenrollment. I'm kinda sad about all the really cool things and people I'll never see, but it turned out that ROTC was just wrong for me.
So now I'm looking towards my future, I want to become a psychologist. I'm trying to figure out what I want to do for grad school.
I'm working really hard at trying to make more friends because I've managed to isolate myself into a pit of depression where the only person I talk to is my family or Karla, and eventually we'll get sick of each other.
Whenever you're bored or lonely, PLEASE call me and invite me to hang out or come over. I'm a loyal friend and caring, so I hope that you'll be willing to take a chance on me.
Also, I got a job as a cook at Jamie's fine hamburgers hahaha... so in a couple weeks you should come by and get a burger made by moi!!
Plus my rent is really high, and I'm getting awfully lonely where I live... so I'm considering looking for a really nice 2-bedroom place and finding a roommie I can trust... preferably a guy since I can be pretty alpha-female. But yeah...

In the emptiness of my apartment

It took a silence to notice. A lull in my chosen method of distraction to hear it. When I heard it, it was like nothing had happened till that moment. Like my day hadn’t started although the sun had been down for hours. I rushed outside, but not wanting to forget my keys, I hesitated, and lost some of the fiercest of the winds and rain coming down. But that’s all right. It’s still enough.
The pain is still there, in its ebb and flow. But somehow I was alive again, somehow I could breathe again, with the world coming down around me. It’s like the filling of my existence. The thing that makes the pieces fit together. The mortar, the in-between. While others are squealing to run inside from the sudden downpour, I want nothing more than to run out into it, to soak it up.
But I don’t. Instead I step into the mud of my little garden on my concrete patio and listen, kneeling slowly to feel the mists coming ever so slightly sideways onto my skin. The two swallowtails building a nest on the hollow above my porchlight cling to the power wire, motionless. Only the gold of their underbellies gives them away.
I want to invite them in.
But I don’t.