Messy

So my room is an abominable, alarming, appalling, atrocious, bad, deplorable, depressing, dire, disgusting, distressing, dreadful, fearful, frightful, ghastly, grody, gross, gruesome, grungy, harrowing, hideous, horrendous, horrible, horrific, horrifying, nasty, offensive, raunchy, repulsive, shocking, stinking, synthetic, ugly, unpleasant, unsightly mess.
All my make-up (which is a lot, because it is like comfort food(purchasing) for me)
Is ALL OVER MY FLOOR.
Everything I'm supposed to take to college is stuck levitating in strange corners about my room, towels here, mattress-pads there... sigh. And I'm not even ready at all.
I've sorted half my clothes, and all the ones I want to take probably won't fit... and my roommate says she has a lot of stuff she's bringing...
I think I'll die. I'm a girl who loves to go horseback riding in the middle of nowhere, or design houses with lots and lots of empty space... so this may be a problem.
People always laugh and say "how exciting!" but it's really not. It's TERRIFYING.
I'm sure it's much worse for the people who've never left their state or something... but still, it's obnoxiously painful.



On a lighter note, yesterday was fun. I grabbed my Lizzy and we rushed over to tanasborne to rescue my boyfriend from evil retail-ness. Then we got smoothies and krispy kreme donughts... and then went back to Tyler's house to play animal crossing and fun things. It's nice, his mom doesn't hate me anymore. She even offered me (and Elizabeth) pizza for dinner that she and Tim(awesome guy - Tyler's bro) - of course I was sharing donughts... but at least she's not avoiding me and not letting me come over.
Animal Crossing is AWESOME, and addictive... and Elizabeth played so that was fun. But by the time it was my turn I was so tired I just played a little bit before we started playing super monkey ball... also fun.
Then Elizabeth left and my back really started to hurt, so I went home not much later... sorry Tyler... but I have to get up at 6:00 to run... and I can't afford to just get 7 hours of sleep.
Anyhow... I should probably get back to packing.
@--^-----

Today...

So so very tired I am... I couldn't sleep, couldn't stay awake...
The highest point of my day will probably be that chai latte I had at this great little donught shop just past 185th on TV Highway...
I tried running this morning, but I have blisters on my feet.
But I did find a shirt that is officially ARMY, at the Army surplus store, so now I have a small reminder of what I'm working for each day when I'm running.
I'm leaving on the night of the 18th for OSU... and deep in my psychie I'm so nervous I'm even having nightmares - and the last nightmare I had was when "First Contact" came out back in... well like five or more years ago. So that's kindof a big thing.
I got a new easel, it folds up very nicely into something I can carry, so I can actually take this part of me with me to college - I don't have to give up another piece of who I am.
I have a semi-comission right now, for a friend whose beautiful beachouse has a blank wall. I'm excited to start, but I have neither the wood nor the canvas to even start building the blank piece.
You know, I really hate how women's bodies are stigmatized... I hate how if you're watching TV with people, they might snort or roll their eyes and chuckle at a viagra, or enzyte commercial - but heaven forbid something like vagisil has an ad, or even just feminine hygene products! People sneer in disgust, or change the channel. I hate parts of society deciding that their morals should apply to everyone. And another thing I hate is how women's bodies have so much more potential for serious problems. Comparitively, guys bodies are simple and straight-forward in places that leave women damaged and in pain. I also hate how medical science is so geared towards men. Did you know that doctors, until just recently, didn't even know where the major nerve endings were in women's bodies? We have all this viagra crap, and a doctor doesn't even know what's under your skin except that you're supposed to have a baby-maker. Grrr. And I also hate how many people would just assume I'm 'menstrual' or something stupid like that.

Anyway, that was my feminist rant for the day. I'm tired.
I got my boyfriend a present, but I can't even give it to him because he's not getting off work till very late, and tomorrow I'm leaving really early. Perhaps on Friday...
I ordered these shoes three weeks ago and they still haven't come... I've wanted them for years and I finally got them for my birthday... got them ordered anyway. Maybe it's a ripoff company.

I joined the Science Fiction Book Club... so now I have six brand-new hardcover books by some of my favorites, and some I don't know. My dad's been a member for 30 years or so, and now I've joined... it feels more 18-years-old than any of the other stuff. Sigh. They're so preeeeetyyyyy.

Aggregate

After accidentally and permanently deleting all my music off my laptop, I updated my media library so it would stop wigging out. Interestingly enough, I found some really awesome songs I hadn't heard in a really long time. It's a good thing I back up my stuff a lot.
So I went running at 6:00 this morning... ugh. My Dad always makes me so angry when we go, but if he weren't there to egg me on, I doubt I'd run at all. I ran a solid mile, but I still need to be able to run two in 0:18:54... gruhhhhhg...
But I can do it, it's all willpower anyhow. I am excited for my Karate class tonight, but I am so tired anyhow.
I'm always tired. Oh well.
Tyler says that nobody comments on posts of any signifigance, so here is something empty.
Hi wisps.

Are you READY YET!

So hopefully my wisps will get to read this post... and blogger will be behaving for me.

So be it. I took a nap today, for two hours. I thought I was going to have to work today, but she hasn't called me yet, so I don't know. Perhaps later, which would be unfortunate. Our neighborhood is having a nice little ice-cream social, and get together. I hardly ever go, but it's nice.

The weight of the world is so great some days. Today I have a hundred things that prey upon me, and a hundred more I can't remember. I end up just sitting and watching my brother play splinter cell... a game that is far more entertaining to watch than to play. Ah well, so be it.

I enjoy that idiom; "So be it!"
A strange sense of the fluid and wise, also the tired, overwhelm me when that phrase is appropriate. It's like meditation...
Meditation is a great gift we humans have over many other creatures around us. The ability to expand our individual existence.
Perhaps my wisps would enjoy some guide in meditation.


き

When you meditate, kneeling in a silent room or anywhere at all.
Take a deep breath, let it out slowly, and close your eyes. Relax your body, concentrate on breathing deeply into your diaphragm.
Then become aware of yourself. Do not try to grasp all that you are at that moment, merely let all that which constitutes 'you' be there.
Breathe, let your き circulate, feel your き move through you.
Now cup your hands before you, above your lap. Imagine you are holding a cup of tea, imagine your hands are a cup bearing tea. This tea represents all your daily experiences, all your stresses and excitements. Everything that is loose and churning in your conscious and subconscious minds.
Now, within you, peer down into the dark tea in the cup.
Examine its contents. Realize the things that are a part of your life. Perceive that each one is real and valid, and now sinks below the surface, verified. Make sure that everything up in your head, has now drifted to the tea in your hands.
Now empty it - pour it down beneath you.
You will now realize, that which you are, is separate from event, yet separate from the void. You are in a balance, floating above the dark waters that churn below you, but still existing whereas the void above you does not.
Your balance is precarious, as you kneel upon the upturned teacup. The water is not still beneath you, it never will be. But you need not be concerned with it, in truth, spending any more time on the waters below would upset the balance, and send you toppling into the depths.
Above you is the void. To focus on the void is very difficult, and can sometimes be dangerous to your mortal body. Indeed; when wrapping yourself in the void, like pulling down a black silk sheet over your head, you can lose touch with the mind and the body that are you... because in the void there is nothing except essence...
To do this will also upset the balance you are trying to achieve.
Now that you have accepted the boundaries of your existence, perceive the teacup. It is beautiful, but it is not you. So allow it to slip beneath your thoughts as well.
Now you are alone, the real you, separate from events, from stresses, from noise or pain, sorrow or anger... your き and your soul now rest and grow.
New ideas may form in the blank canvas before you, ideas that were being held back and smothered by the chaos in your mind.
Do not try to shove these away, for that will only upset the balance. Simply acknowledge them, and allow them to drift along to the water below.
Time has no meaning in your space, pain, reactions... nothing.
Breathe deeply, feel each muscle in your body, each bone, each channel of blood. Feel your heart move in unison with your lungs, feel the electricity that you are.

Now simply exist, without the exterior world.
It is beyond words.

Soon, or in time, you will feel that a great balance has been reached. Sense the existence of that which is around you. Accept back in the void and the water, expanding your consciousness beyond your body.
Now sense the room around you, sense the life of all that is in the room. Sense the sound again; sense the energy, the motion, the breath of all around you.
Once you have done this, you may relax. Allow all your once-chaotic thoughts and emotions to come back into you. You will find them chaos no more. Some will have left entirely; others will now be logical and useful to you. Many will still be an enigma to you, and that is okay.
Breathe deeply,
and open your eyes.
You are alive, and you exist in balance.
Things around you will have different meaning, and you will have found them differently. Accept this, and peace will be about you longer.







So how about some intriguing aspects there??
Hah, I didn't expect to write that. Ah well. It was a gift to me by my spirit.
Enjoy, and balance be gifted you.


き = chi = energy

SO ANGRY

So I had a nice pretty post, and what happens? As I'm posting it, it not only decides not to post it, but also delete it. GRRR.
It was a great post too. And I can't remember it. Probably because I am so tired. I think I'll go take a shower.
And I need to have another party so Jennifer can come! YAY

So for a start

Yeah, so for a start, I've physically solidified my relationship with my best friend.
Hah, yeah. GROW UP
Anyhow, we got our left ear cartilage pierced. WOO HOO 14 gauge. (She went BIG and got 16... hah hah)
That was cool. It hurts right now, but not as much as my karate class does on a daily basis. I just hope I get to sleep without sleeping on my left ear.
Man, I didn't know it would take up to 3 months to get all nice. But yeah, so I might have to get rid of it because of the Army stuff with ROTC... that's just a little over a month away! Yeah, but that dragon tattoo and piercing place in downtown Hillsboro is awesome. Nice and professional.

The only thing is, they never told me how to get this damn ring off again... hah.


You know, I'm really sick of people that bitch and moan on their blogs. Using it as a tool to communicate their bitterness and loneliness inside their crappy little worlds. Y'know, just like I'm doing now. But anyhow, certain people annoy me.

And you know what else I hate? People that you thought were friends, or at least friendly acquaintances, turning around and telling your new boyfriend that they never liked you. Anyhow...

Yeah
I can see where people would like talking so much on their blogs. I also like the fact that it gets people, who may or may not have artistic talents, expressing themselves. And increasing their wpm... heheh, not that I ever had trouble with the artistic talents, or the expressing myself... but yeah.

Also, apparently, my left shift button on my keyboard has been sporadically failing, so if I missed any capitalizations, please excuse me.

Why s.... oh
jeez, no philosophical tonight, my mommy's coming home from KANSAS... YAY

So I'll see you all again, you all being the no-ones, the empties, the shadows, wisps, and breaths.

Fare thee well